Snailwalkers

Spent the day watching Costcentre #1 and Costcentre #2 perform at the end-of-term school performance. Costcentre #1 was in something as a scientist, and Costcentre #2 was a lion, in The Wizard of Oz. Or, as the programme would have it, オズの魔法使い ( Ozu no Mahōtsukai ). To get a flavour for the Japanese variation, look no further than our featured clip below.

After enjoying this show for most of the day I sloped off home eventually. Not sure what happened as I walked the short route back, I must have clicked my heels three times or something, but before I knew it I was in Od Box Shibuya surrounded by Gore Tex, poles and thoughtful people perusing merino underwear. The stuff for sale, in packets, not other peoples underwear you understand. Wrong side of Shibuya.

I had never set foot in Od Box before, which was indeed “Od” as it is only about 5 mins walk from my house, but soon decided to make amends for the oversight. Summoning lion-like courage I channelled my inner-Simon and quickly purchased some Gore Tex spats. Followed this up with a waterproof iPhone case and ominously, as I fled for the exit before being swept up in a tornado of consumption, I signed on for the loyalty card.

Now apparently tomorrow’s hike is tough and the weather is already closing in. Simon just called to say he’s on his way to his local pusher mountain-goods emporium to purchase some crampons and would I like some ? We’re clearly, appallingly, obviously, not in Kansas anymore.  Would I like to buy some crampons ? What just happened ?

Think Snailwalkers will be attending this,  demonstrating that we’re not just highly physically active and developed ( pardon ? ) but mentally capable of climbing the peaks too. All of which reminds me of Arnold Schwarzenegger, who once claimed something about balancing his mental capacity with his physical attributes, to which Clive James pondered that he could only imagine the mental prowess of someone who physically, resembled “a brown condom full of walnuts”.

Anyway, event details here, and good one Footnik for hosting.

Pub Quiz at The FooTNiK – 16th Mar : Back To School Special

Prizes, free shots and sausage rolls from John’s Kitchen for all you promising pupils!

Date: Tuesday, March 16th
Time: 8pm – 10.30pm
Where: The FooTNiK, Ebisu (www.footnik.com)

Y1000 to play. Everyone welcome.
All proceeds go to Oxfam Japan.

Ebisu Footnik

I know you come here for the very best in health and fitness advice so this week I address the important, and urgent, question everyone is asking as they prepare for this adventure : Just how much trailmix should one pack for 100Km of hiking ? You know the stuff. Peanuts, almonds, raisins, some miscellanous fruity bits and old bird seed.

It’s a quality brew and a feast of energy, but just how much do you need to quaff to get over those peaks and not suffer mix-deprivation ? Well I’ve pondered this and I’m proud to offer you the Snailwalker’s exclusive Trailmix Calculator . No charge, no queuing, no mistakes and no salesman will call. Accurate* Trailmix computations at the press of a button. Also special bonus Kit Kat data. No charge ! This is the Trailmix Calculator with the set of Steak Knives thrown in. Available over there, on the right.

*Well, I say “accurate” but what I mean is “based on a secret formula developed by Snailwalkers after several beers”. So pack with confidence, and we look forward to seeing you on the trail – fully mixed up.

Attempting to completely disorientate Simon and his Gore-Tex acquiring frenzy, this weekend’s hike was in gloriously clear weather. Takao san guchi by train from Shinjuku in central Tokyo, and in less than than an hour, you’re in mountain-ville. Six of us set off up the 稲荷コース ( Inari-mountain course ) from the station, towards Mount Takao. A medium-grade 3Km hike with some magnificent views.

Mount Fuji view from the trail to Mount Takao

Mount Fuji was, for once, not hiding. Neither, seemingly, were most of urban Tokyo, who in their hundreds had popped out to do the same course. It was nose-to-tail for the first km or so, only thinning out as we neared the top. Simon was sporting his Gore-Tex spats, I was in my luminous satsuma Arc’teryx jacket, and Joe was breaking in his new North Face boots. We were, in contrast to the Thursday’s fateful expedition noted below, stupendously over prepared. I was hoping for a monsoon, a tornado, an earthquake, a volcanic eruption, preferably all four simultaneously, so I could generously offer to shield everyone with my 3-ply Gore Tex and stormproof zippers until help arrived. We enjoyed a balmy calm and 100-mile visibility. You could have hiked it in flip-flops and your underpants, but it was hard to complain really.

Takao-san summited, we ate and took some photos.

Paul, Mt Takao

Joe, Mt Takao

The Team

Revived, we set off for Mount Jimba along the Mount Shiroyama trail. Most of the day-trippers seemed to be “doing” Takao only, so we saw only a few others for the rest of the day. Poles were now out in force, as snow was on the ground. Simon, with his new Black Diamond poles, had clearly summited Mount Gear and then found a way to climb yet higher. We were all deeply jealous proud.

The correct name for the trail from Mount Takao to Mount Jimba is, and I’m being careful to translate this properly from the official map, “the trail from Mount Takao to Mount Jimba”. It is 15.3km along a ridge, past Mount Shiroyama and then on to Jimba. The trail was all snowed in, with those icicles hanging from the trees I had noticed, but not had the life-force left to photograph, on the earlier Thursday hike. This time though, the weather remained fine and the hike was genuinely enjoyable in the same way, and to the same degree, as Thursday’s hike was miserable.

Somewhere during this 15Km or so, Prateek discovered the ability to transport himself in space and time. I think the suspiciously low-tech looking pole he was using, which seemed to be absent any manufacturer logos, performance claims or even an interchangeable-basket-system, may have been involved. At various points along the trail, Prateek would fall back behind us, so far back he was not visible, and then, despite us traversing a single-file track along a mountain ridge in clear daylight, he would appear a little later in front of us, leaning casually yet meaningfully on the mystery stick.

No ordinary stick ...

I haven’t known anything like it since Mr Benn, the famous denizen of Festive Road, had some similar trouble with a shopkeeper.

As Mr Benn teaches us, the common usage of organic matter spontaneous transportation in the Seventies was by shopkeepers, to surprise customers or to escape from seamonsters. It was basically a gag. Today, times have changed. The ability to silently and instantaneously travel from one place to another must have tremendous potential for space exploration, the military, and for Thursdays, my big-meeting day.

We made it to Mount Jimba by about 4.30pm. I demonstrated that by using a modern digital camera with built-in panorama stitching and a blend of experience and skill, it is now possible to take 3 ordinary photographs and turn them into one ordinary photograph, but wider :

Mt Jimba. Feel the width.

A shortish 5Km straight downhill and we found the bus stop to take us back to Takao station. Prateek stopped teleporting himself and we all went home using conventional physics, on the train.